The Truth Enslaved
by 2InsanitiesIn1
Summary: [One-shot, Song Fic]Sirius Black is deeply troubled with his tormenting past and contemplates whether he will escape or not. Set just prior to Harry's third year and uses the song "Possesion" by Sarah Mclachlan.


_Disclaimer- We own nothing affiliated with J.K. Rowling's creations or the rights to the song by Sarah Mclachlan._

_This is a one-shot song fic about Sirius Black reminiscing of his past in Azkaban. It basically gives insight on to why Sirius left and an unknown past that we have created. It uses the song "Posession" by Sarah Mclachlan. If you haven't heard it, you might want to check it out._

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The Truth Enslaved

_Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide..._

I assume when I first arrived here the fright of the dementors as they passed along the crashing shores was unbearable. In fact, I even remember not being able to hold my first cold mush dinner from the sight of those tattered black cloaks. Now it's not the same. Now I barely even notice the chill they bring as they glide past the darkened, slimy halls.

_...voices trapped in yearning..._

You can hear the calls every minute, every day. The calls of the convicts and criminals. The calls of those wizards who must have had some shred of innocence before they allowed the dark cloud to encase them in evil. The calls that resemble screeches, nails on a chalkboard. Deafening calls.

_...memories trapped in time..._

I joined them once, long ago. I thought for so long that my pleas for help would save me from this endless suffering. I thought they'd take me from the fear and replace it with the comfort I once felt on the outside. But years in here will change a man. Time will reverse an entire thirty years worth, leaving an empty shell of desolation. I used to be a man, an entity. I used to be Sirius Black, friend of Lily and James, godfather of Harry, lover of Julia.I am no longer that man. I am no longer Sirius Black. This place, this Azkaban, has transformed me into one of the empty shells.

_...the night is my companion, and solitude my guide..._

When the night falls, I can never bring myself to shut my eyes and dream. My mind is still full of those thoughts that keep me from completely becoming empty. Those thoughts of the loved ones who'd left me, the one's who will never walk this earth again. There's a block of cement holding up this wretched pit that holds my past. I have hidden there the secrets of the life I used to have. Trinkets from the Potter home that were left after storm. A photograph of the Marauders that lost it's enchantment years ago. Letters from my love, Julia. Letters she wrote with such passion and hope. She truly believed the dark forces would fall and life in our world would no longer be plagued.

_...would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?..._

When I stare at the curves of her words on the parchment I am reminded that time cannot keep me here forever. There will be a day when I will see the light from the sun, a day when I will bask in it and not be afraid to take the crisp air from the world into my lungs. I still have a whole life for me out there. An entire life that I have not lived. There is a man who I seek revenge on. There is a force out there about to break. There is a godson who I haven't seen since before he was eating solid food. A godson who will be entering his third year at Hogwarts. A godson who must know the truth.

_...and I would be the one to hold you down... _

I know that if Julia were here I wouldn't feel this way. I keep reading this letter she wrote from when we had first met, our last year at Hogwarts together. She had simply told me of all the things she'd do in the summer. She was about to train to become a curse breaker with the Ministry. I was so taken with her, her gleaming blue ice eyes and seemingly limitless auburn hair. I keep thinking that if she were here I wouldn't feel the same.

_...kiss you so hard...  
...__I'd take your breath away __and after, I'd wipe away the tears...__just close your eyes dear..._

She would have changed these thoughts in me. She would have held me close to her and never let me believe that anything could hurt me. In some ways, I'd return to that childish innocence we all share when we're so young, not yet tainted. I would have no apprehension, no fear.

_...Through this world I've stumbled, so many times betrayed..._

For a while, the thought of her embrace erases the empty shell and fills me with hope. And then the anger sets in. The pure unyielding hatred I have for that wizard. The man who took my only one true love and my precious family. Voldermort. I wish it would have been me who brought him into hiding. I would have banished him so strongly, he wouldn't even want to return.  
_  
...the truth enslaved..._

And then there's Peter, the blimey bastard. I hope he's eating feeces from a bottomless pitt somewhere. If I ever did escape from Azkaban, I would let the truth out. People need to know. Harry needs to know.

_...oh you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes. My body aches to breathe your breath, your words keep me alive..._

I know I could leave anytime. I have the power, the strength. What keeps me imprisoned isn't these icy dementors. It's not the fear of their kiss. The thought that when I do escape, the embrace of my love and the all consuming contentment I had just staring deep into her eyes will not be there to welcome me. I would do my duties, my unfinished business and after that, no incentive would remain.

_...Into this night I wander,it's morning that I dread. Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread..._

And now as I rise from my seat, I walk to the barred window of my cell with a numb sense surrounding me. I search out across the raging ocean that sways as the dementors cover the land with ice. Darkness surrounds, engulfs every inch of the world outside. And then I see it, the spark. There, far in the distance I can see a trace of twinkling light. Suddenly I'm overcome. Suddenly I feel all hope return to me. Perhaps not even hope, but incentive. I can break from these chains. There is no reason to keep myself imprisoned. Julia. It's her. She is the light. She knows that I cannot stay, I must go forth and complete my tasks. I have to be a part of my godson's life. It's what Julia would want me to do.

_...into the sea of waking dreams I follow without pride. Nothing stands between us here and I won't be denied..._

I wait until the dementors float down the hall to the head cases, the true nuts. Once they're there, I'll have enough time to remove the cement block holding my belongings. I take it all but two trinkets Lily had always had a dislike for, things she wouldn't care if I had left them behind. Behind that block and the belongings is a group of loose blocksI had discovered just months ago. I kickthem with force, but not too much. I don't want to make any last sounds. The space is just enough to fit my emaciated body through. My clothes rip in the fall to the ground, but once I'm out it doesn't matter. It was easier than I thought it would be. Now comes the hard part. Now comes the fear. Now comes the chase that I will have to admit to. The constant running and hiding. But I cannot look back, I cannot falter. The deaths of those I loved must be avenged. I must not fail.

_...just close your eyes..._

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_Please review!_


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